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Drafts

A New Project, the Same as an Old Project

1. TO BEGIN WITH A DEDICATION BECAUSE CARSON BEGINS WITH A DEDICATION AND LIKE ALL THINGS THIS IS BOTH SUBJECT AND OBJECT AND NEITHER

It is like an hourglass
every few years I try to write The Beauty of the Husband
over again. Such a horrible object of reverence, the welling of terror in trying
to recreate.

I can only imagine the stress of being a counterfeiter is measured by the object being replicated.
To counterfeit a Madonna in paint in the late 1900’s, for instance, takes a certain kind of individual.

But this device is all I have,
and so I continue to exploit it as I exploit you,
see, I can’t do this any other way.
And so I devour and regurgitate, changing
the very content of my stomach, except the other way:
transmute gold to dull metal scraps.

Last time, I began with a car crash, but that isn’t right.
Except for the metal twisting, sin turning salt without sin.

2. SEX IS THE COMMERCE OF ALL THINGS BETWEEN US, CARSON SEEMS AFRAID, AT FIRST, OF SEX OR AFRAID OF UNDERSTANDING SEX, OR NOT AFRAID AT ALL BUT AMENDED SEX WITH “BUT”

Sex is a narrowness of person. Two, not, in fact, the myriad legions
which march between our bedsheets like Roman soldiers. Drunk, unaware they’re being watched
from every tall tree lining the road.

It was sex, or something like sex, that brought us together as it brings all things together.
You see, we do not wish to be alone.

Even when hidden it keeps working like the sun dipping below the far horizon. Our conversations
drip of sex, penetrate sex as it penetrates us.
To be a rapist of words, to force these words onto a page, into eyes, through a brain.
This is all very unwilling.

To masturbate while engulfed in words.

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